I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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