So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
