My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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