Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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