I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
