And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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