he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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