This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
