if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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