Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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