my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
