Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
