i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
