so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
