Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
