her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
