girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
