we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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