I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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