Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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