I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize