Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize