the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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