Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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