i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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