Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
