why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
