if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize