saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize