ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Randomize
