I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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