He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
