i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize