Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
