If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
