i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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