Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
