I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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