remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm like, not good at living.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize