dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
