i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize