So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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