They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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