hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
