He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
