are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
