I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
