I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
