A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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