how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
