OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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