you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
