He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
