You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
