I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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