would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize