i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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