Soap is not a condiment
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize