I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
two words...techno handjob
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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