Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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