He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
