A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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