I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
