haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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