i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
