C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
