drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
