I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
