We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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