i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
