There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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