were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
