So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm really busy with my period
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
